


Make it end

by RussianCaravan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 12:46:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4436045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RussianCaravan/pseuds/RussianCaravan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was back. That dark, utter loneliness that brought geniuses, millionaires, and soldiers alike to their knees was once again consuming the famous Tony Stark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make it end

He ached; everywhere ached. He felt his heart turn to lead and bring him down, he felt his stomach twist into something unrecognisable, he felt his eye droop down in exhaustion but was still unable to sleep. It was back. That dark, utter loneliness that brought geniuses, millionaires, and soldiers alike to their knees was once again consuming the famous Tony Stark. He’d lain in his bed for hours, unsure of the time and unwilling to check. Nothing really mattered anymore. Why should anything matter? If he died right then it would only do the world good. That was all he could think of; all he could think of for days and weeks. Part of him wanted the torture of existence to end, but another was so scared of death he couldn’t bring himself to do anything.

He hated himself, no matter how much he claimed otherwise, he hated every ounce of himself. It was amusing in a way, how he’d always play up his ego to everyone but himself. Tony Stark knew he was many things; selfish, cowardly, narcissistic, rude, careless, brass… honestly he could go on. These and other faults were the only things about himself he let into his mind, even though deep down he knew he needed to try to think positively, it just seemed so out of reach.

Tony stared at his ceiling and listened to the distant traffic many floors below. No-one really knows how long he lay there doing nothing, seeing nothing, feeling nothing, but eventually, he got up. He stood and gazed down upon the city, watching the lights shine brightly across the skyline. Maybe he could jump. End his pain. No, he couldn’t, he couldn’t stand to fall and traumatize a civilian like that. 

“Step away from the window Tony”

“Jesus Cap! Don’t sneak up on me like that, I could’ve had a heart attack, and how would you feel if that happened and you were responsible for my death?” Steve Rogers stood before him with serious eyes, his shield in hand but otherwise in average dress.

“You’re not funny, and you know that’s why I’m up here.”

“…You know I wouldn’t actually jump, I couldn’t let anyone see me like that, I couldn’t just let them see a dead and mutilated corpse.”

“But you’d do that to me?” Tony finally noticed Steve’s eyes were wet and a single tear had gone down his cheek, but his serious demeanour remained. Tony sighed heavily.

“I hoped… I hoped it wouldn’t be you that found me.” Tony looked down, unable to look into at him in the face. “I just want it to stop hurting.” He felt a hand on his cheek.

“You promised you’d tell me if it happened again.” Steve whispered “I can’t lose you. Finding you half dead with god-knows-what in your body- Tony, do you that did to me?” There was no reply. “It hurt me in every way imaginable, and I know you’re suffering but I want you so badly to get through this, please just tell me.”

“You don’t deserve this, or me, please just-“

“Not this again, I like you so much, I don’t care if you’ve got emotional baggage, it’s not like I don’t.”

He couldn’t help it, he cried. Tony cried, he broke down and cried harder than he thought he could. His emotions were out of control, unpredictable but he kept crying. Steve held him tightly and Tony buried his face into his chest, feeling more safe and loved than he had in so long. Neither had any idea how long they spent cuddled up to each other, and neither cared. Finally, Tony released himself from Steve’s grasp and looked up into his baby blue eyes.

“It hurts so goddam much Steve.” He whimpered “So goddam much, I don’t want to die, I just want it to end.”

“It will end, you just need to let me help you live now, it will get better, I promise, and I always keep my promises.”

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first time writing anything Marvel, so the characterisation isn't great, and I needed an emotional outlet, so the story isn't flash-hot either, but I hope you enjoy regardless?


End file.
